Agoohoohoo
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“Pukwudgie”
“What a bastard. A drooling, dancing pest. It gets into everything and drools everywhere. It rips apart all of your belonging, covers your walls and floors in that goop that’s impossible to get out, and then flies away and taunts you. It gets into places you never want anyone to get into and just ruins your life. It tore up my divorce papers and tax returns, ate my passport, and somehow managed to draw lewd and otherwise obscene images onto all of my paper currency. I can’t use any of this now. The bank’ll never take these. I’m pretty sure defamation of legal tender is a federal crime. This thing might actually get me sent me to prison. Which I suppose would be better than being stuck with this damn thing anyway. I have no idea why it’s so intent on tormenting me, specifically. Never goes after any of the neighbors. Just laughs in my face and shits in my computer. Not on, IN. Like inside. I have no idea how. It doesn’t work anymore. It gooped up my router, too, so no wifi. I think it did something to my car, maybe cut my brakes. I’m not risking driving. It cut all the phone lines too. I’m stuck. Food’s running out. It just called me a bitch. God help me.”
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