A little DnD One-Shot I wrote! I've been able to run it a few times, so I've got it down pretty well. It's one of my favorites to run, so if you know me and think you might wanna run it, please stay away for there will be MAJOR spoilers ahead! This is your last chance to turn back! Good? Good. Ok, let's start.
Your detective party has been called to a rather affluent manor in the midst of a house party by Lady Ashley Justice, the personal servant to the Justices. She explains how the owner of the manse, Pearly Scallops, was found dead in his bedroom mere hours ago. The party was already on the decline, though, as the house's waitstaff automatons went on the fritz attacking guests, and one guest's scientific experiments have also run amok through the mansion! The civilian guests had been evacuated before the body was found. She can also give a brief overview of each of the remaining guests but that doesn't really matter in this post huh?
Ashley was helpful enough to give you a map, color-coded to where each guest is being held. You can explore the mansion freely, interrogating the guests freely, but it'd probably be wise to try and minimize time spent in the hallways walking from room to room. Because...
Those rogue Butlebots are still walking around! They keep yelling about how dirty everything is, and yet wish to spill blood. Sad. But this is where the combat would come in, as every time you transfer rooms there's a random chance for 1 of 4 things to happen (3 encounters or nothing). However, there's also a non-combat option to this One-Off if you don't like DnD combat, there's a funny puzzle option! With non-combat, you have to convince them to leave in 3 sentences or else suffer damage.
The 2nd encounter option, the rogue Homonculi! Non-combat, you have to answer questions about other players or give THEM riddles (they really like riddles), else suffer damage.
The 3rd encounter option, this one isn't actually combat-based ever. These are the Vermillion Vanguard, the security force for the party. Gwen, Ben, Sven, Wren, and Punching Bag scour the halls, trying to deal with the Homonculi and Butlebots. They're extremely friendly and will answer any questions about their captain, Brick Burgundy, freely. Their wounds are from tripping over some invisible body near Soren's room right before the murder. Also they found a dog wandering the halls. Maybe you can find its owner?
In THE BEDROOM, you find the body of Pearly Scallops. There are 1 clear stab wounds, but a few good skill checks might reveal the cause of death to actually be poison... Curious.
Also in the bedroom, Scallop's wife-and-now-widow, Lady Noir. As you may have guessed, she's actually a vampire. But she's APPALLED that you would assume a GRIEVING WOMAN fed on her own HUSBAND! Upon interrogation, you could learn that Scallops was the highest-ranked Paladin in town, who would give everybody second chances (even those who might not deserve it...). She'll be hesitant to give this information up, but Pearly Scallops and Noir are pseudonyms, and their real names are Soren and Bringemtu Justice, respectively. Yes, Ashley is also their adopted daughter, though this was kept a secret. Bringemtu used to be a "socialite" (in reality a spy/assassin) who was arrested by Soren but given a second chance as an informant for his crime-busting Holy Order. She wants to raise Ashley in her footsteps for use "in the field," but Soren wants to keep Ashley out of the family business. Despite these objections, Bringemtu was training Ashley in private (and sometimes even sending her to do "jobs"), causing bitterness between her and her daughter.
In the GUEST ROOM, the captain of the Vermillion Vanguard, BRICK BURGUNDY!!! Head of security at the party, he was too busy dealing with the Butlebots and Homunculi to defend Soren. If you ask for his theory, he thinks Soren was killed by a rhinoceros (he isn't the brightest). He claims the red stain in his mouth is from sparring with the Vanguard (but they claim otherwise). The vanguard will reveal he's addicted to Jellyjam, which he regularly steals from the kitchen. Brick went to the Paladin Academy of Justice with Soren, but they drifted apart due to differing beliefs. For instance, he got Dazzle Dandelion thrown in jail despite Soren wanting to give them a second chance. He knows that Soren kept records of all his arrests despite his wife's protests. He's also a bit bitter that Soren takes all the glory for himself and makes the police force look incompetent, but he still regards Soren as an old friend.
In the DINING HALL, the Delightful Dazzle Dandelion (who Brick wants to put back in jail but can't because of the party). She speaketh in oldeth englisheth. A famous magician, quite ostentatious, and believes the green herbalist what with the veneer of sweat and guilt hath been getting up to burglaries (she would know. Dont ask why), and is verily impressed with his ability to go about unnoticed. Thinks the foul-mouthed pattissierre hath done something foul to the good host’s meal. However, she saw Azure inspect Soren’s food “to study the quality of the pH” or some other sciencey bullshitteth. Noticed Soren looking rather ill after finishing his meal, and he left back towards his room. She found it interesting how Purpurean did not partake in the main meal because he was “saving himself for some good seafood.” She denies being arrested ( an obvious lie), but never killed anybody, and can elaborate on how “hypothetically” Soren and Bringemtu were pardoning criminals to work with (including, hypothetically, herself). Sha elso pickpocketed a “Strange half-empty vial of liquid” off of Azure, among other things from other guests in the panic (Purpurean = tartar sauce, burgundy = stolen jellyjam, Marigold = copious amounts of gold).
THE BUTLER'S CHAMBERS with Mr. Bronze and Windupp. Mr. Bronze doesn't speak common, though he has invented and is in charge of all the Butlebots. Windupp does speak common, but claims not to know anything. She acted as the nanny to Ashley, and they are very close. She is visibly shaken by Soren's death, as not only was he the only one who was nice to her, but Bringemtu and and Bronze himself want her dismantled and he made sure to keep her around. Now, that safety is gone. If you can somehow communicate with Mr. Bronze, you can learn that the Butlebots CANNOT, by programming, attack or kill any of the important people.They let them get away with anything except making a mess of the manor (CAN interact with things like food, though). Mr. Bronze activated the butlebots because everyone was MAKING EVERYZING DIRTYYY. When confronted about arrest, he tells of how Soren and Bringemtu were pardoning criminals to work with, but never saw Azure in any of the meetings.
THE KITCHEN with Tiffany Rosado Sugarplum Taffyny. Foul-mouthed world-famous chef. Not always at the mansion, but runs the kitchen for events, so has been at the manor for a couple of months (to both prepare and to speak with her friends). Only a select few are allowed in the kitchen: her, her staff, Purpurean, and the Butlebots. However, she claims that before the outbreak she saw Brick leaving the kitchen in front of her, despite her not allowing him in the kitchen. Bloodstains in the kitchen from SOMEONE (read: the red, sausage-lipped brutish pig fuckign oaf) was probably snooping around and knocked down the Lady’s supply of blood. Azure tried to get into the kitchen, but she refused him because she couldn’t let extra people in BUT also she thinks hes a creep (living at the house, she noticed that his lab’s telescope was pointed at the manor instead of the sky every so often). She sees all the food exit the kitchen but not while its being served by the butlebots
THE BALLROOM with Penny Marigold Spender [Redacted]. Her last name is a secret, as she's part of an incredibly powerful and wealthy family and she wishes to distance herself from her father, but everyone knows who she is and where she's from. Kind, gentle, southern, she always liked Soren, and was inspired to give back to the community by him. Lost a little dog in the hallways, slyly whispers “cash reward” as you leave (returning the dog grants nothing, as it turns out the pup's NAME was "Cash Reward"). A patron of arts and sciences, though refused to give Azure any grants (due to rumors of unethical and dangerous experiments). Her father was dirty money, though she strives to be better. She Implies Soren may have had something to do with him not being around anymore. Had fun speaking with Windupp, but soon before the calamity she saw Bronze getting noticeably upset with the party and forced Windupp back to their chambers. She's a socialite gossip, but strangely has never spoken to Lady Noir before (weird is Noir is as much a socialite as she says she it). Met with everyone at the party except for the doctor and the gardener. Big fan of Purpurean, but finds his being there strange, as she knows that he ALWAYS eats what he has painted (and he's supposed to be doing a portrait of Soren). Noticed him fleeing Soren’s room during all the commotion, assumes it was because he was painting him. She wishes to bury her past and everything associated with it.
THE STUDY, Whittaker Purpurean Wintrhop. An artitht who ith alwayth very hungry indeed. Claims to have invited Azure as his +1, after he became “enamored with the sciences (which can apply greatly to the palette, both artistic and nutritious).” Claims to have only ever been in the kitchen and the study. Very friendly with Marigold, but disagrees with her stance on the good doctor Azure. Says he saw a “dash of green” enter Soren’s room (while he was there to supposedly paint him). He agreed to paint Soren, despite his “eat everything I paint” rule.
In THE BOILER ROOM, Dr. Embro 'Carpenter' Azure (PhD). He moves almost puppet-like, and seems like an all-around goofy dude This is because his current 'body' is actually just a Homonculus he engineered as a host, the real Embro being the fetus inside. Claims to be a doctor, his autopsy was that “he was definitely 100% stabbed, ahuhuhuh”, but it couldn't have been him because his syringe is too flimsy to pierce flesh. He demonstrates, and the syringe simply bends when pushed, but he concedes it would be enough to pierce, say, foodstuffs. Nobody else saw him during the party
Claims he was working on his Homonculi (who love puzzles and riddles and wordplay like him), when they went “berserk, probably because of the NOISE from that DREADFUL MAGICIAN, PSUEDO-SCIENCE I SAY aharumph!” Has figured out the butlebots passivity to guests of importance, allowing them to get away with near anything except dirtying the furniture (does this apply to food? Idk ask Mr Bronze). Flashes of seriousness and lucidity.
Generally denies questioning, pretending to be a goofy scientist. Big tarp over a cylinder behind him, won’t let anyone near it, claims it is “just goofy science stuff like beakers and whatnot, ahuhuhuh.” Claims he knows Soren and Bringemtu as old friends who fund his science, along with Marigold.
In the GREENHOUSE, Oglevert. A very nervous fellow, constantly sweating and wringing his hands together. Can turn invisible, so nobody really knew he was at the party. He's SOren's gardener, who isn't super close to the family. He was very surprised to be invited, and borugh this kids along. He was running around trying to keep his 2 horrible children in check (oh, but they're really so well-behaved, they just get a bit, er, excited is all, yes). His 2 horrible children were running around stealing stuff. But they're such good kids. Saw the body of Soren BEFORE there were any Stab Wounds, so Soren must have died of some other cause (was there to stop his kids from stealing, and didn't say anything because he thought he would get in trouble).
Speaking of, here are his kids. The twins, Chamille and Leon. Found THESE DOCUMENTS in Lady Noir’s bedside table, though many are torn apart (and they won't give them up unless you give them something cool in return):
Arrest Warrant for Richard Spender
[money laundering, tax evasion]
Arrest Warrant for Dazzle Dandelion
[multiple counts of counterfeit, petty theft of countless objects of varying importance and worth, tampering of evidence in countless criminal investigations, resisting arrest, and multiple jailbreaks]
Arrest Warrant for Benjamin Bronze
[Construction of machines of war, conspiracy, and [REDACTED]
Arrest Warrant for Bringemtu Noir
[REDACTED]
Arrest Warrant for Embro Azure
[Several counts of conspiracy, unethical [REDACTED]
Finally, it's time to make the accusations. Everyone meets in the foyer, but Purpurean has locked himself in the Studio, and Azure seems to be in a daze, responding to no one, with his lab coat finally fully buttoned up for once. If the party investigates the Study, or correctly identifies Purpurean as a suspect, he laments guiltily about how he was 'just so very hungry' and flies into a rage where a miniboss happens (or, non-combat, a minigame where the party must draw a thematically-coherent meal, each party member drawing 1 type of food, except they can't see each other's drawings or tell each other what they are drawing. If the end product is a coherent meal, they win).
Upon Purpurean's defeat, or identifying Azure as a suspect, The Perfect Homonculus is complete! It breaks out of its tube as Azure monologues about his hate for Soren arresting him/ruining his career. He reveals that he used the Boiler Room to incubate his magnum-opus, and bribed Purpurean into bringing him into the party as his plus-one by letting him eat Soren (delicious shellfish). A big scary boss, but in the event of non-combat, the players must play 3-headed monster about some prompt but must rhyme with their own last word (every time they do is one hit), when they fail they are hit. Upon defeat, Azure is ejected, and both he and Purpurean are tied up. Ashley thanks the Party and tells them she will always be at their service. Lady Noir agrees, giving them their contacts, telling them not to be shy. Everyone else gives them a warm goodbye and they can say goodbye to one each, leaving them with a present (an ashy and ghastly candle, the Eye of the Sea, a Vangaurd badge, an all-in-one robotic feather duster complete with mini-cleaning crew, a deck of tarot cards with several nifty crime-related scenarios, a profanity/truth instant-cake, a Socialite’s mask of high-standing, a Robber-Flower’s bud filled with stolen jewels. If they pick Azure, a homonculus that looks like their own fetus, Purpurean gives a paint than can take on any flavor/smell).
However, that's if they correctly guess the suspect. If not, each character has a unique reaction before the Perfect Homonculus awakens and destroys the manner (no boss fight). They are as follows:
Ashley—Candle begins to glow brighter, hair becomes ashier and cloudier, Noir refuses to believe while Windupp goes to console Ashley. Ashley begins to speak apathetically (I suppose mother was right about me) and fade away into smoke. The House, too, begins to crumble to ash as [ENDING HAPPENS].
Noir—She denies everything in a panic, looking to Ashley for support. Ashley cannot bring herself to believe her own mother. Shocked and upset, Noir suddenly starts raving incoherently about her past and love for Soren, before transforming into a giant Vampire Squid/Bat hybrid and wrecking the manor in widowed tears. [ENDING HAPPENS].
Brick—The Vanguard refuses to believe it and instead jump in front of him, to fight on his behalf. He stops them, saying this is simply the way the justice system goes. He’s confident evidence will be found to prove his innocence and that rhinoceros guilty, smiles, and gives a thumbs-up as he receives his handcuffs. Truthfully, he’s old, he’s tired, and he’s losing it. He thinks he’s nearing the end of his life anyhow. He asks for the Vanguard to be kept out of it, even if he needs to falsely admit to a crime he never committed. He tells the Vanguard to take care of each other when he’s gone, and that he’s proud of them. As the Vanguard embraces him and cries, he ruins the moment by burping disgustingly. [ENDING HAPPENS].
Bronze and Windupp—If both, combine the 2.
Bronze—Bronze begins flying into a foul-mouthed rage, unintelligible to most even in Dwarvish. Something about cleanliness and swearing. As Windupp tries to calm him down, he throws his hands up in exasperation at this whole MESS and slams Windupp’s key into her head. Suddenly, her gears stop moving and the whole manor shakes as countless butlebots self-destruct. Mr Bronze jumps off of her, and she begins to fear for her life and cry before self-destructing herself. Ashley is broken. Before Bronze is apprehended, [ENDING HAPPENS].
Windupp—She begins shaking and crying profusely, denying everything. Mr Bronze begins beating her while the other guests, Noir especially, agree (its always the butler, especially since it's a robot, and considering her maker). Ashley denies it could ever be Duppy (her nickname for Windupp), before looking at her in desperation. Windupp, ill-equipped to handle such stress and so many questions, begins to repeat “I dont know I’m sorry I dont know I’m sorry” over and over before her key jams in and Mr Bronze begins to panic. She then self-destructs, sending Mr Bronze flying and Ashley into a panic. Then, suddenly, [ENDING HAPPENS].
Dandelion—She acts shocked and offended first, only to laugh it off later. She’s flattered they think she could commit such a high-class crime, and alludes to the stage, the intrigue, and the Walrus and the Carpenter poem. However, she says she will also not deny the murder (it's rude not to accept a compliment), though is still truly offended they think she'd kill such a fine and kind friend. Then, all the lights turn off for a couple of seconds, and when they turn back on she has disappeared. Suddenly, [ENDING HAPPENS].
Rosado—You think its ME. ME!?!?!? Flies into a rage of swear words and profanities and insults, pointing and screaming at the detectives (YOU WANT ME TO MURDER SOMEONE? ILL MURDER SOMEONE ALRIGHT, YOU LITTLE-). Brick grabs her as she points the fork at the party. Suddenly, she begins to shake violently as she grows and grows, sugar pouring from her every orifice and jame leaking everywhere (brick is secretly delighted). As she begins to fill the whole castle, she screams about showing them their just-desserts before screaming in pain as she says someone is eating her. [ENDING HAPPENS].
Marigold—She is silent for a long time before sighing coldly. She states again that Soren was one of her heros, before letting herself be handcuffed. She denies the crime, but genuinely believes that her bloodline is destined to be rotten. She figures something would happen eventually and gives up. Suddenly, [ENDING HAPPENS].
Oglevert—He begins to sweat profusely and panic, saying it wasn't him, it couldn't have been him, he was in the garden, he promises. Suddenly, his children run in boasting of their crimes. Oglevert is shaking, claiming they're good kids and simply nab a couple of things. The children then sing about how they “did a murder so cool-like, they did a stabbings and a chokings and a shootings”. Oglevert is mortified, claiming they just like to play pretend as he's handcuffed. He turns invisible in panic, but is still easy to find due to the handcuffs and his sweat. Then, his children trip the Vanguard, grab Oglevert and run, gloating about their nabbed loot. Suddenly, [ENDING HAPPENS].
And that's that! Thanks for reading through all of this, if you did. This story is very obviously inspired by the Alice in Wonderland poem The Walrus and the Carpenter, so it might be a bit obvious if you've read it. But whatever! I always have a blast running it, and even today I think the art holds up pretty well!
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